Mr. Frank Santiago - Florida - Gay
USRA - Mar 11 1964-Dec 11 1966 - E4
Military nick: Frank
self-identified in service: No
Out since: May 1967 - Coming Out: 10
honors & citations: In country Viet Nam Veteran: Vietnam Service Medal w/1Bronze Service Star, Republic of Viet Nam Campaign medal, National Defense Service Medal, Republic of VietNam Campaign Medal w/Device, Republic of VietNam Gallantry Cross w/Palm Unit Citation, Good Conduct Medal, Sharpshooter Badge w/Rifle Bar.

Bio: I was not "out" while in the Army. I did not feel any strong attraction to men at that time other than friendship. When I did come "out" I had been discharged from the Army for several months and I started to go to Gay Clubs and Bars. No big trauma on my part and other than keeping a "gay" low profile I did nothing different than other men of my age group. My father and mother were totally unaware but my sister and my brother were in the know. My brother is also "gay". I came out to my father (my mother had passed away) and his wife around 1991. It was actually no big deal for his wife and for him. End of Story.

Mr. Arthur Severance - California - Gay
USN - Nov 3 1997-Aug 15 2003 - E6
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: Oct 1985 - Coming Out: 10
honors & citations: 2 Navy Achievement Medals

Bio: Being gay in the Navy is a living nightmare. I was a terrific sailor, but I could not handle the constant psychological pressure. From quarters in the morning until taps at night the jokes and derogatory comments about gays are a constant. The net effect of Don't Ask, Don't Tell is to give my shipmates a license to constantly express their disdain for gay, lesbian, and transgender individuals. These people were my friends and inadvertantly treated me like dirt because the Navy effectively teaches them that they can. There were many tears after my last day when I came out to the guys in my shop over beers with my DD-214 in hand. Many of them honestly felt badly that they had treated me so poorly and because it didn't matter to them that I was gay.

Mr. Todd Shinkle - Ohio - Gay
USRA - Aug 09 1987-Nov 01 1993 - E4
Military nick: Tangent
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: Jul 1999 - Coming Out: 8
honors & citations: Airborne, Air Assault, Combat Lifesaver, Light Leader's "Ranger" Qualified, Army Accommodation Medal

Bio: During my time stationed at Ft. Campbell, I did not have much time to "identify" with my true self as a Gay Man. Not until I was sent to Korea and placed in a Linguist job did I start to truly know that I was attracted to men.
   I met [E] at Panmunjom Korea, he worked in the same bunker. Ironically, in addition to being infantry, I was a "cross-trained" as a German Linguist. My time in Korea was the best and happiest time when I was serving in the Army.
   I guess the best way to explain how [E] and I were attracted to each other is by what we "didn't" do. While the others were “down range”, [E] and I were taking advantage of SATO's inner country trips. Overtime, we noticed each other sitting in the same bus as we traveled to many historic sites located all across the peninsula. Eventually, we started sitting together and we began to enjoy each other's company.
   One night, when we couldn't get a pass to go off Post, [E] and I had a night of Soju drinking, watching AFKN and bs’ing the night away. About 2:00 AM, [E] whispered to me to get closer to the television set and silently motioned with his lips and asked, "Are you gay?" Being caught off guard but thrilled that he asked, I shook my head "Yes." I then asked him the same thing in the same manner, and he too motioned "Yes." We stayed up the rest of the morning, talking endlessly about things neither of us had the nerve or strength to talk to another soul in fear of being caught, outted, and booted out of the service.
   For many more weekends afterwards, [E] and I started our routine(s) of leaving the Post on separate buses, catching another bus together, and heading down to Seoul. We pulled off these same "Cloak and Dagger" routines for the next ten months.
   Leaving Korea was a very sad time because [E] had to stay another year. Unfortunately, this was when my cancer started to get worse. From Ft. Knox, to Ft. Irwin and then finally to Fitzsimons AMC, I was finally diagnosed with Stage III Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a result of having fallen into contaminated water in 1989 during training at Light Leader's Ranger school at Ft. Benning, GA.
   I was Retired and Honorably Discharged in 1993, but leaving the only life I knew (I grew up as an Army Brat) it shook my soul to the core. Knowing what skills I had learned in the Army as an Infantryman didn't transfer well into the Civilian sector, I used my G.I. Bill benefits and entered college. Over six years, I was able to obtain a Master's Degree in both International Studies and Linguistics.
   Sadly, I wasn't strong enough to stand up to my family in fear of being "cut off" if I was to announce that I was "gay". I married a woman in 1996, the worst thing I have done in my life. Literally, days after our wedding, she became violently abusive, making every day more miserable than the day before. Years of this treatment finally took its toll on my ever weakening body, and on July 9th, 1999, I came out to my sister, and then eventually all our friends and family.
   Since my Coming Out I have lost about 90% of my extended and immediate family members, but I have been lucky in the "friends" department, as I have only lost 2 good friends. From those family members and friends I am able to stay in contact with, I have full support, and I am so very proud to have these folks in my life.
   Today, I live with a great guy who is the love of my life and who is there whenever I truly need him. We have been together for over 6 years now. Yes, we have had our troubles and difficulties, but nothing more than what any other couple would have to cope with in a loving relationship. We love each other and we are "in love" with each other.

Mrs. Dalelynn L. Sims - Virginia - Intersex
USRA - Ret. E8 - Civ. Contractor
self-identified in service: Yes
Coming Out: 10
honors & citations: LOM, AAMs, ARCOMs, Joint Service, SWA, and to many others to list

Bio: While retired I am still serving with the military and currently writing
from Kuwait and have been up north as well. While I am intersexed, I have found that intersex individuals have many parallel issues in common with others in the LGBTI community. My biggest issue with the military is still to this day medical issues as some I have seen became hostile or dismissive once they learned about me. I am always in awe at the education level of some of these individuals that have no clue about intersexuality, as after all it is a medical condition that affects so many. I have met a few other intersex individuals that have served as well as many others within the LGBTI community. Each have a story with many parallels to mine. Each individual has something great and in many cases unique to offer and I feel privileged to know them.

I have been legally married to my spouse and yes we are both female. Our relationship has been one of unconditional love and caring for one another. Together for over 25 years, I find it hard to believe that, in today’s society where divorce seems to be the norm, people cannot understand the commitment and love as we share. Some in society that would rather tear apart that which we share rather than recognize it for that which it is, a loving relationship. But about the military, well we survived that and are the better for it. As indicated I had some issues while in the military but overcame them as I was valued then as now for the services I perform. I am sure that if we begin to recognize individuals for what they can do then we will begin to increase our productivity. I really do not know how I survived as well as I did but I know that I did not quit and there are some things that I am still fighting for.

Thanks for being there and I hope our numbers continue to grow as we begin to see that equal rights for all is something we must fight for at home as well as here in Iraq.
Please visit our web sites:
http://www.kindredspiritlakeside.homestead.com
http://www.intersexualite.org
.

anonymous - Texas - Gay
USAF - Sep 13 1976-Sep 27 1997 - O4
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: Mar 1987 - Coming Out: 10
honors & citations: 1 Meritorious Service Medal, 2 AF Commendation Medals, and numerous service medals and awards. Managed Base-level Data Center selected as Best in Air Force.

Bio: I was married and "straight" the first 1/2 of my career. I figured it out, got divorced and came-out (not within the military though). I found it very hard to have to keep my personal life and professional life separate, and having to pretend, lie, or just evade questions and/or conversations related to my personal life. I counted the days until I could retire, retiring almost on the exact day that I became eligible. I even forego studying and testing for LtCol so as not to incur any additional required service time past my 20 years service. The Air Force and I both lost out on so much because of the lack of acceptance and tolerance on the part of the US Military.
.

anonymous - Arizona - Lesbian
USAF - Feb 04 1986-Oct 13 1997 - E6
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: June 1997 - Coming Out: 10
honors & citations: AF Commendation, AF Achievment, Combat Readiness, Marksmenship

Bio: Although I had always received high ratings on my annual performance evaluations, I had been either sexually harassed or sexually discriminated against by the upper command level throughout my career.

After serving honorably for 12 years, I decided to get out and live my life on my terms. Since being out, I completed college (something I was never allowed to do while in the military) and currently have a very successful career as a CPA.

The only regret I have was not leaving the military sooner.

Mr. Tony Smith - Virginia - Gay
USAF - Apr 2 1990-Dec 12 1995 - E4
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: Dec 1995 - Coming Out: 8
honors & citations: (not listed)

Bio: I served in the USAF as a signals intelligence analyst for almost 6 years. I enjoyed the work and the military overall and would have stayed until retirement (at least 20 years)had it not been for the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. I didn't feel safe and could no longer serve under such a unjust policy that directly conflicts with the honor and integrity of the U.S. Military. Therefore, I chose to leave after completing my service obligation and be a voice on the outside for those who continue serving in silence.

Mr. Robert Stout - Ohio - Gay
USRA - Jun 29 2000-May 31 2005 - E5
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: Nov 2000 - Coming Out: 8
honors & citations: purple heart, army good conduct medal, army achievement medal (3rd), army comendation medal (2nd), national defense medal, kosovo campaign medal, Iraq Capaign Medal, Gobal war on terrorism service and expeditionary medals, army service ribbon, overseas service ribbon, nato medal and drivers badge wheeled and track

Bio: When I first came out, it was to my team leader. After I came out to him and saw that nothing bad would happen and I could function better as a soldier and a person, I decided to tell more people. Through the five years I was in, almost half of every platoon knew I was gay and life was much easier for both them and me after I stopped lying to them and myself.

I finally came out nationally in April of 2005 after serving time in Iraq and being wounded. My soldiers never once had a problem with me coming out, and even my chain of command supported me right up to the time I got out. It is something that I am truly happy I did and do not regret it for a minute. If anything, I wish I would have done it sooner and saved myself the heartache and trouble of hiding all the time. I just hope that by me coming out in the news against Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I can help get the law repealed and give at least one person hope for a better time in. When people see that there are gay men and women serving now and we are going a good job, the hate directed towards us by our own government has to stop, and I hope I was able to get people to see that.