Mr. Robert E. Weaver - Georgia - Gay
USAF - 1981-1992 - E5
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: July 1980 - Coming Out: 10
honors & citations: 10 medals, unspecified; nominated for Airman and NCO of the month a few times, received
it once.
Bio: Prior to joining, I was told not to let anyone know I was gay. I marked no when asked if I had ever
had any sexual relations with members of the same sex. Basic training and schooling went fine. There was teasing
in the ranks, but nothing else.
My first assignment nothing happened for months. This guy came up to me in the dining hall and asked if he could
sit with me. We talked and hung out a few days. He asked me one Friday if I wanted to go out dancing. As we
were getting ready he said he had to let me know we were going to a gay club. I told him that was fine as I
had been to one before joining. We became good friends and kept in contact for years. There was a group of about
10 to 15 of us who hung out together from time to time. My second assignment was similar. Someone came up to
me, we just started talking and became friends. He introduced me to others. I was stationed in England and we
had friends at bases all over England. We would meet every weekend and go to clubs.
There was always a fear of witch-hunts, but I never saw one happen. I had one friend who was kicked out because
he tried to have sex with a straight guy in the barracks. The straight guy always would flirt with us. He never
said he thought we were gay, but he would always flirt. He would touch us, put his arm around us and such. I
guess one night he went to far with my friend, then came to his senses. He beat my friend up and the MP's were
called. I don't understand why straight guys would flirt with us, but they did. That guy was not the only flirt.
Every time it happened to me I would just laugh it off. One guy even asked me for oral sex while we were sitting
on the flight line waiting for a jet to land. Again, I laughed it off.
I never tired to hide who I was, however I wasn't really open at work. I was just myself and didn't try to be
straight. I guess people just accepted me. No one ever asked what female I was sleeping with, but didn't ask
me if I was gay either. Church had always been a part of my life, so people saw me as religious. I sang in the
choir at every station and always went to church every Sunday. They saw that side of me instead of the gay side.
My religious side is what caused me to change my life and get married. I've been married for 19 years to a woman
I love very much. Though I consider myself gay, we have been very happy. There have been ups and downs, but
we manage. I told her I thought I was gay before we got married, so she has always known. We just take one day
at a time.
I had four assignments. I got married during my third. My time lived in the "gay world" was great.
I never felt any pressure or felt I had to hold in who I was. I'm sure being able to go to church and sing in
the choir helped tremendously.
If I were a political person I would stand up for gay rights so that other gays wouldn't have to get married
and live the straight life. If there wasn't such a stigma to being gay maybe I wouldn't have gotten married,
who knows. I have settled down. I have two kids and one grandchild. My days are filled with being with my family
and watching them grow. I am happy and sad at the same time. I chose this life and make my way through with
it. I do root for the people living the gay life and hope one day they can have the same family life.
This has been very hard to write because of my situation. I am sure some who read this will think I am messed
up. They will wonder why I got married. I tell those people I am comfortable with my life. I do not deny I am
gay. All of my family and friends know I am. It has just all fallen into place. I just don't act on my gay desires.
I love my wife and am hopelessly devoted to her!
I will close with this thought. If Israel allows gays to serve openly in the military why can't we?
.
