Ms. Desirae "Katie" DeShane - North Carolina - Lesbian
USRA - May 10 2001-May 09 2005 - E4
Military nick: Chocolate
self-identified in service: Yes
Out since: 1992 - Coming Out: 8
honors & citations: Global War on Terrorism, National Service Ribbon, Army Achievement Medal [2], ARCOM, Good Conduct Medal
Bio: My first coming out was to my younger sister when she was10 y/o and I was 12y/o. It was a secret between just the two of us for nine years.
In February 2001, I came out online to friends. In May 2001, I enlisted into the military. I kept my mouth shut and stayed in the closet. I pretended that my online girlfriend at the time was really my boyfriend. She had a gender non-specific name and had sent me photos of her brother in order to pass him off as my boyfriend while in Basic and AIT.
I stayed in the closet throughout my four years of Active Duty service, even though people in my unit asked me indirectly if I was a lesbian. I had an active social life, but I always had activities at least two hours away from where I was stationed.
I came out to my immediate family one by one between 2002-2003. For the most part my family has been okay with my orientation. Pretty much every time I came out to someone else who knew me for a long time told me that they kinda knew already.
On the military side, no one really knew for sure that I was gay, although one NCO had suspected I had been with a woman due to my first roommate was a friend of the NCO and had mentioned that I had a girl over and spend the night in same bed. I would always call whatever girlfriend I had at the time by the male equivalent of their name. i.e. Stephanie would become Stephan and Mary would be Matthew.
I started coming out to local friends in 2003. At first it was just a few and I felt comfortable enough because most of them were Pagans who don't really have hang-ups over sexual orientation like other religions. My friends from the Pagan group fueled my willingness to come out and BE out.
Since fulfilling my four years on Active Duty, I have gone back to school and am now out and proud everywhere. I even finally got the chance to go to North Carolina's Pride 2005 without having to worry whether someone from my unit was there and would out me back on base. I was extremely paranoid while in the service.
I got out on May 9th and my 25th birthday was May 11th. So on May 10th, my friends threw me a small "coming out" shindig. It was my way of publicly coming out of the "gay closet" and the "military" closet all at once.
Most of my life has been spent wandering from group to group, place to place trying to find where I belong. I thought I would find that place in the military and for the most part I did. However when I got out and finally was able to come out professionally as well as personally, I felt finally at peace with myself. I felt as though I had come home.
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